Save, O LORD, for the godly one is gone; for the faithful have vanished from among the children of man. Everyone utters lies to his neighbor; with flattering lips and a double heart they speak. May the LORD cut off all flattering lips, the tongue that makes great boasts, those who say, “With our tongue we will prevail, our lips are with us; who is master over us?” “Because the poor are plundered, because the needy groan, I will now arise,” says the LORD; “I will place him in the safety for which he longs.” The words of the LORD are pure words, like silver refined in a furnace on the ground, purified seven times. You, O LORD, will keep them; you will guard us from this generation forever. On every side the wicked prowl, as vileness is exalted among the children of man. (Psalm 12:1–8)

Recently I saw several memes on social media that disturbed me greatly. Several had to do with the controversy over the COVID-19 vaccine, one was about the tragic death of the 16-year-old girl in Columbus, OH, and one simply tried to correct “cultural” theology by using a cultural symbol and closed with a rather snarky comment.

These memes disturbed me because they were flippant, insensitive, and generally in poor taste. I experienced a grieving (and continue to as I write) that was quite unexpected. It hurts my heart that folks who Christ died to set free would think it appropriate to be so flippant in their language. So often we think as long as we don’t use swear words or curse words (or in the southern twang “cuss words”) we are controlling our tongue.

Unfortunately, the Bible disagrees.

There are far too many passages about our speech and controlling the tongue to list here. Here are just a few of them. 

O men, how long shall my honor be turned into shame? How long will you love vain words and seek after lies? (Psalm 4:2)

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. (Psalm 19:14)

Transgression speaks to the wicked deep in his heart; there is no fear of God before his eyes. For he flatters himself in his own eyes that his iniquity cannot be found out and hated. The words of his mouth are trouble and deceit; he has ceased to act wisely and do good. (Psalm 36:1–3)

But to the wicked God says: “What right have you to recite my statutes or take my covenant on your lips? For you hate discipline, and you cast my words behind you. If you see a thief, you are pleased with him, and you keep company with adulterers. You give your mouth free rein for evil, and your tongue frames deceit. You sit and speak against your brother; you slander your own mother’s son. These things you have done, and I have been silent; you thought that I was one like yourself. But now I rebuke you and lay the charge before you.” (Psalm 50:16–21)

Why do you boast of evil, O mighty man? The steadfast love of God endures all the day. Your tongue plots destruction, like a sharp razor, you worker of deceit. You love evil more than good, and lying more than speaking what is right. You love all words that devour, O deceitful tongue. (Psalm 52:1–4)

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. (Proverbs 16:24)

 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29)

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. (Colossians 4:6)

Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. (Titus 2:8)

These are just some of the passages that talk about our words or speech. We need to briefly answer two questions. The first is, “How should Christians talk and conduct themselves in conversation?” These passages give us a good start on the answer. Those of us who are saved are to have our speech filled with grace and salt. We are to avoid flattery, wrathful speech, speech that demeans or puts down, and speech that puffs ourselves up. Now, this is far deeper than the old standard of just “not cussin’.” Why does Paul use the term salt to describe our speech? For one simple reason. Salt makes people thirsty. Likewise, our speech should always be that which draws others to Christ.

The second question is, “Why does it really matter?” Why does the Bible give all these commands? Why does the Lord care about our speech so much? Simply put, because our speech reveals the nature of our heart. Jesus put it this way:

But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. (Matthew 15:18–19)

We must speak the truth, yes. By all means. But we are to do so in love, with our speech seasoned with grace and salt. Both have the effect of drawing another to Christ. Our attitude should be one of humility and with a goal of encouragement and restoration. Beyond that, we are told that we are to be united 

I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment. (1 Corinthians 1:10)

Elsewhere Paul tells us that we are to live “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:2–3). Look at the last two phrases: the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of peace in the modern church today. And many of us are certainly not living in peace with ourselves or each other (see also Rom. 12:18). 

One of our goals as we remain on this earth is to “attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes (Ephesians 4:13–14). Notice that maturity in the faith includes the idea of unity. 

Now, this is not some paper “unity,” or “going along to get along.” Regardless of some of our stances, we who are followers of Christ have more common ground than different ground. Unity of the faith means that we have the same purpose. And what is our purpose? To see God glorified among the nations by making disciples of Jesus. Our words will either hinder or help us in reaching that goal.

If your first reaction to this post is, “I’m going to speak the truth no matter what,” then I applaud you for your desire to speak the truth, while also admonishing you to do so in a manner worthy of your calling. Let your words be the Spirit-led words that convict and draw others to Christ, not judge, criticize, dismiss, or tear down. For with the measure you use, the same measure will be measured to you.